Anachronistic Mom Blog

So Your Kid is Crashing and Burning in Kindergarten?

So.  Your kid has sensory stuff and they're crashing and burning in Kindergarten?

1. Deal with the school. If it won't traumatize your child, it might be OK. Work with them. Remember, that schools will pay for evaluations and treatment. If you have an autistic child, for example, you can get state-paid treatment starting at pre-school ages.  If the school won't help and if the situation is traumatizing your kid, do what you need to, including yanking your kid and homeschooling.  There are wonderful resources out there.  Use your judgment.

2. Learn your insurance. They will want to scr*w you over on this one. Work actively with your doctors and your insurance to find a diagnosis that they will use. If not sensory integration, then perhaps pragmatic language. I would strongly urge you to not use the term sensory integration anywhere near an insurance company. Find diagnoses that will work. I am currently on month 8 of trying to get any part of 20-something thousand dollars worth of treatment and evaluations that I spent on my son last year. Not a dime so far. The latest response I got from them is that none of the things that we were treating were "medical problems." And unfortunately a snorted response of "assholes" is considered inappropriate (and worse, is ineffective.)

3. Try to find a mother's group around you. I would suggest looking for special-needs kids in your school district. In our area, some of the school districts have special-needs kids PTA's. If nothing else, these moms can tell you which doctors are good. And believe me, those doctors are few and far between for the conditions that you're talking about. My friend Shannon, whose blog slogan is "We're here, we're quirky, get used to it" is an autism mom who helped found Septar, the Special Education PTA for Redwood City. Here's her blog, Squidalicious.

She also helped create the Can I Sit With You blog that talks about social issues in school:

And here's the special needs kid list that I belong to (among several) in my area. You can join it and ask for advice if you'd like.

4. Start looking for some doctors that you trust. It will take more than one doctor. Neurologists don't know about movement. Movement people don't do vision. Vision therapists don't do hearing, and so forth. You will have to build your own organizational structure and you should go in and try to find diagnoses of these things. This is a broad-system issue. It's rarely just one thing. Note that no doctor helped us until I visited Dr. Susan Johnson, with offices outside of Sacramento and up in Colma, by Grass Valley.

Dr. Johnson gave my son a movement exam and when he couldn't do things like stand on one foot at 7.5 (!) (but who looks for THAT?) told me that balance is located in the same place as hearing in the brain, and that it's a law of nature that if balance is compromised, hearing goes out the window. Therefore, until we got his balance under control, he wouldn’t be listening very well.  Interesting and really gave us insight into some of my son's behavior. She's very smart, very good, and nonstandard. Plus, she worked with her own child, who was PDD-NOS, and he is now happy and doing well in high school. 

Dr. Johnson gave us context.  She made observations about my son and related them to brain development, giving me a baseline and context for how the brain develops, and then she talked about a path that would help my son develop. She told me why.  Think about it.  How many of your doctors tell you why?  Pathetically few.

Boris Cyrulnik - interesting psychologist

Here's a quote from Boris:

“I was never put on the ‘conveyor belt’ of life—I’ve always made my own path,” he says. “I do only what is absolutely required to be considered ‘normal.’”

And here's an interesting interview in which he discusses the state of family in the US and other countries, how to create a resilient child, and so forth.

Did you hear the one about the 13 year old who hired hookers to play Xbox?

OK, is something wrong with me because I find (parts of ) this story deeply hilarious?  And yes, obviously the father needs to spend just a LITTLE MORE TIME with his son, don'tcha think?

Here's the article, and here's an excerpt:

A 13 year old from Texas who stole his Dad's credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has today been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

...

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Interesting article on lying

Yes, it's by "Po" (that man has always irritated me) but it's got some interesting observations about children and their first lies.

Where are the building simulation games for kids?

I vaguely remember several years ago spending a lot of time looking for a computer game that would let my son build, say, something with gears, and then start it going, so that he could understand it and visualize it on the computer.  Unfortunately, my memory has apparently spackled over whether or not I actually found such a game.

However, I found the following excerpt (my apologies to the original poster; it is a clipping) from my email box, and thought that especially the Kinko's worker video game sounded wonderful. Who needs a trip to France?  Experience socialistic ennui right here at home, with your handy keyboard!  Check it out:

http://www.aforcemorepowerful.org/game/

nonviolent strategy game

A unique collaboration of experts on nonviolent conflict and veteran game designers has been developing AFMP for the last three years. The ICNC encourages the use of civilian-based, non-military strategies to establish and defend democracy and human rights worldwide. York Zimmerman Inc. is an independent film and video production company located in

Washington

,

D.C.

that produces documentaries about people and ideas that change the world. BreakAway Games Ltd. is a leading developer of computer games with particular expertise in strategy games and historical simulations.

Veterans of recent nonviolent campaigns assisted in the development of the game, including Ivan Marovic of Otpor, the Serbian resistance movement which played a critical role in ousting Slobodan Milosevic. Political scientists, sociologists, and economists also provided advice.

Article on social change video games

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1535474/20060629/index.jhtml?headlines=true

 

EXCERPTS

Pax Warrior" is a Canadian project that lets users try to prevent the 1990s genocide in

Rwanda

. Its developers say it already has 250,000 users.

 

Had he played "Peacemaker," a strategy game that tasks players with settling the Israeli-Palestinian conflict by steering the leadership of either side? Had he tried "Earthquake in Zipland," a cartoonish game that stars a moose trying to assemble a giant zipper to merge the separate islands upon which his parents are drifting apart, an extended metaphor about divorce?

 

Had Koster played the prototype of "The Organizing Game," which is designed to teach grassroots activists basic skills like recognizing which doors in the neighborhood are the good ones to knock on? Had he tried "Homelessness: It's No Game," a simple game that challenges players to keep their homeless character alive and out of trouble for 24 hours of video game time? Did he harbor no enthusiasm for Ian Bogost's anti-Kinko's game, "Disaffected" (see "Game Lets Players Step Into Toner-Stained Shoes Of Kinko's Workers")?

And had Koster not been encouraged by the announcements earlier Tuesday, when mtvU General Manager Stephen Friedman announced his network will issue 10 $25,000 grants to college students making games for change? MtvU had sponsored the creation of the Sudan awareness game "Darfur Is Dying" and, Friedman announced, will launch a student-made game called "Squeezed" that depicts the lives of immigrant farm workers — a "first-person picker" — on mtvU.com in September.

Friedman's emphasis on student-created games sat well with Games for Change conference founder Suzanne Seggerman, who said the MacArthur Foundation recently issued a $1.2 million grant for the creation of game-making tools designed for students. Such moves, she said, squarely position young people as the future of advocacy-driven games. Major game companies have largely ignored social-change games.

 

 

Paul Graham's "The Power of the Marginal"

I discovered this essay, by Paul Graham, through the Modern Marketing blog, which is why, my chickens, it's good to read marketing, design, and creative blogs.  Do you have a teenager? Do you know someone who is moving forward in their life?  By all means, I'd suggest reading this essay.  It exhorts people to be innapropriate, talks about corrupt metrics for success and how both high school and middle management in corporations are both exercises in ... um, I think worthless living and values, although you'll have to get his own quote.

It's full of really excellent advice, like "if you're not good at something yet, learn something that is brand new, so that nobody else is really good at it yet, either."

In today's world, where new technologies jump out of the bushes and holler "gotcha!" every six months or so, this is the best advice I have ever seen for our high school and college students. It coaches them on riding the waves of our life, instead of standing on the shore and being buffeted by them.

New Skills - the Dirty Way

Sometimes I sit around the playground and chat with the other mommies. This is the time when you realize that everybody out there has a challenge or two.  One of the things that I seem to hear quite a bit is "My child is perfect in public, and a beast at home."

Gosh.  Not our problem.

My child is usually only a beast in public!  This comes of being an only child to "older" parents and living in a neighborhood where there are no children at all, unless you count the ones kept in little bottles (so as not to wrinkle their clothing) and only let out for church, or for the four hundred lessons they have every week.  All of my son's "sharing," "temper," and "patience," learning has taken place directly upon the world's stage.  Poor kid.

But I digress.  We have a lovely new developmental stage going on right now, and mommy's having fun with it in her own way <twinkle>.  Not only that, but it's taking place at HOME!

It's complaining.   If he doesn't like something, he kvetches up a storm. For some reason, terrible parents that we are, we have apparently raised my six year old to think that he is invited to piss and moan if he has to work.  And that everyone is DYING to hear it.  I sure hope this is a developmental stage.

We're a suburban family, very busy, etc. etc. and I didn't really notice this until we had "family work day" about a month ago.  My kid complained the entire time. Amazing.  And it would be far too easy to just throw the sentence "just like his father" into the paragraph, but you see, there's a back-story at the meta level. Daddy's from NYC; mommy's from a farm. Daddy's successful enough so that he doesn't have to go outside and deal with the world much unless he's sitting on a beach chair, and mommy landscaped the entire yard herself, learning spanish in the meantime. See a trend here?  At any rate, daddy is NOT a complainer.  Daddy is an insurmountable force.  He's busy, and usually just ... too busy to do anything outside.  Or that he doesn't feel like doing.  See how it works?  So, while my son has NOT learned complaining from Daddy; nor has he learned going outside and trenching the roses.  Weltanschauung, if you will.

At the end of the family workday, I sat down and had a nice chat with my son. 

"Honey, you complained so much today, that it's clear that you need more practice doing work.  From now on, you will not be allowed to watch any TV or play any video game until you have completed your chores for the day."  And that was it.  Big change.  And boy did it work.  It's been awesome!  When we get home, my son will say "Mommy, what can I do to help out."  The other day, we were turning into the driveway and I saw some bushes that were dry. He said "Can I water those for my chore today?"  Warmed my heart.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday was pretty rough (for a suburban kid.)  I admit it.  First off, he had to take out compost that had been sitting around covered up for two days.  Smelly, yucky stuff.  But he had to walk it out the back door and put it into the compost heap. Sheesh.  Took 7 minutes of histrionics and screams of outrage.  Hilarious.  As someone who was raised on a farm, I dealt with smelly, yucky stuff almost every day of my childhood.  You just suck it up and keep going.  This was a big lesson.  He came back crying and declared that he wouldn't do any chores for a WEEK, and oh my GOSH he had gotten smelly stuff on his pants.  Gulp. This was my kid?  He was such a stoic at 4!

It made me realize that really, unless I want my life to be a living hell in six years, we need to ratchet things up. So he got nice positive reinforcement for his compost-carrying, and then, when we went to Home Depot, I bought him a shovel.  And he got to dig three holes to help mommy.

The complaining! The pain!  The agony!  Who knew?  He and mommy were in the garden for an HOUR while he worked on the holes. Periodically he'd tap an ankle with the shovel and yell "Ouch!," or drop the shovel and sigh mightily... oh my goodness.   

"Is it deep enough?" he quavered for his third hole.  We put the plant container into the hole to see if it would fit. Nope.  Two inches more.  Such Hard Work!  And finally, the hole was deep enough for the plant.  He put it in, gently covered it with dirt, and then skipped away, happy as a clam to play a video game for 10 minutes.

I don't know if he realizes this, but today was the START of his gardening career.  I'm going to drag that kid and his shovel outside every single day until he gets into the swing of things.  He's going to have to weed the vegetable garden (just like I did - and I hated it), he's going to have to do ALL SORTS OF THINGS.  Because I forgot something:  sometimes chores are onerous.  Sometimes they're dirty. They are *not* just the "ooh, have to unload the dishwasher" type of thing. They are the things that you vaguely remember doing when you were a kid. You remember hating them, you remember doing them because you had to, and you realize, as an adult, that it's because of those chores that you're strong and able to deal with life.  And stuff like ... taxes.

As we grow up as parents, we learn to parent with our strengths.  No matter how much we try to pretend we're someone else, we can't.  For me, there's no way that I can adopt abstract models of discipline for my child (do these three things and get a CHICKEN STICKER!)  I forget them, we miss them, they bore us, and we quit. But working in the garden, I can do.  It's nice to know that I found a tool I can really live with during this developmental step. 

Gotta go - it's time to plant!

First published on the Silicon Valley Mom's blog

From (yet) another psychologist to mommy's ears: You Suck

I've kept quiet on the entire subject of mommy drinking during playdates because the intensity of the debates created a curiously loud sucking noise in my head.  Kind of like any mention of Fox news, you know?  But today I saw yet another excruciatingly dumb study aimed at telling mommies that they don't measure up, and I just had to comment.

These studies are amazing.  And they are wrapped in - can I just say it?  -- absolute trash articles that reporters should blush to write. The pseudo-logical gem that gets my personal "Idiot Psychologist Run Amok" award is an article from 2000 called Saying "That's Great" May Not Be.

The premise of the "That's Great may not be" article is that you shouldn't praise your child unless you should.  Well, duh. 

But then, some writer decided to inflate this 20-second premise into a whole article, and came up with scintillating quotes like: "Some child-rearing experts say a steady stream of praise can turn children into praise addicts who lack confidence because they dismiss the value of the compliments." (Yeah. this is how your typical 3 year old thinks.)  And of course they shoehorned in another expert saying that, while some parents overpraise, ''most parents don't praise enough. Praise is extremely important in building up a sense of children's own abilities. For psychologists to suggest that you should limit praise really undermines the idea of how we encourage children to feel good about themselves."

What is this trash?  And why is it being dumped on parents by the boat load?  Here's a theory:  There are a lot of people out there who want to earn money.  In order to justify earning it, they are selling anything that they can to "parents," because "parents" are a market segment.  And "you suck" will almost always catch a parent's attention.

I once picked up a Cosmo magazine and was appalled  Not only were the styles ghastly, but every single article carried the message "You suck, but if you do THIS to your hair, your body, your clothes, then ... you'll be able to pass and maybe some man will have sex with you."  Wow. What utter garbage.  But this time-proven "Let us tell you how you suck THIS time" approach really bothers me when it's aimed at parents.

If you're an overscheduled parent,  scanning this psych quote-larded garbage while frantically multitasking, the "you suck because a study says so" article undermines two things:  first off, your gut instincts, which should be generated by your cultural knowlege, memories, knowledge, personality, parenting style, and logic.  (Not to mention the occasional phone call to your mom, even if she's really irritating.)  Secondly, it undermines your confidence - and confidence is one of the most important things that a parent can have.

"Don't praise your kids."  What an incredibly stupid thing to write about!  If your kid is having developmental problems or is at a stage where they are afraid to go down the slide, have a tendency to fight with others, don't always wait their turn, are afraid of the slide, or whatever other thing, of COURSE you will praise them!  But of course an article that says "You should pay attention to your kid and your kid's development and do the things that you think are the right things to do" is ... dull.  It doesn't stir up controversy.  Hard to get talking heads to argue over something so sensible. Or even one of those swashbuckling, female-baiting fembots.

And so we come to the new article that raises my hackles.

Study links big egos in youths to programs for self-esteem is the title that the San Jose Mercury gave the article, although the original article's title is:  "Gen Y's Ego Trip takes a Nasty Turn," and it seems like one of the most amazing pieces of crap research that I've seen in a long time.

According to this article, there's a new study out in which five "researchers ... looked at the results of psychological surveys taken by more than 16,000 college students across the country" since 1982.

According to the article, "the Narcissistic Personality Inventory asks students to react to such statements as: 'If I ruled the world, it would be a better place,' 'I think I am a special person' and 'I like to be the center of attention.'

The study found that thirty percent more college students showed elevated narcissism in 2006 than in 1982."

Clearly shocking news, that someone older would find youth to be narcissistic, although seriously, with those questions, what would they expect?  If the kids think that they could do a better job running the country, well ... who says they're not right?  But let's move on. Here's where it gets amazing to me (and BTW, the ostensibly academic leader of the study is also promoting her paperback this very week.  Tacky.)

Why is this so?  (I kid you not.) "Some of the increase in narcissistic attitudes was probably caused by the self-esteem programs that many elementary schools adopted 20 years ago, the study suggests. It notes that nursery schools began to have children sing songs that proclaim: 'I am special, I am special. Look at me.'"

The report also claims that "Those youngsters are now adolescents obsessed with websites, such as MySpace and YouTube, that 'permit self-promotion far beyond that allowed by traditional media."

Let me see if I have this right.  The new kids coming up are self-absorbed, shallow little jerks.  This is because they sang "I'm a good kid" songs in ... preschool.  It's also because they play on the computer and make pages on MySpace.   Parents, you suck because you're too permissive and haven't banned "I'm a good kid" songs from preschools. And ... here's a new twist:  KIDS, you suck, because ... well, you just do.

Ha.  Patent bull-hockey.  So the boomers, the most amazingly self-absorbed group of people in modern history, weren't even measured?  Kids today are like vanilla pudding next to people like Abbie Hoffman and the cast of characters who worked hard to, oh, burn down their colleges and just incidentally throw over an entire social structure.  Remember that decade?  (And they're STILL narcissistic. Check out this little gem written by a boomer.)  And need I mention the fact that the boomer generation practically invented the crystal, aromatherapy, and self-knowledge movements?  Personification of narcissism, folks.  Jeez.  Like, have the writers of this stupid article even heard of Esalen?

I think that the thing that irritates me so much about this article is that the authors took an apparently serious study and turned it into  idiocy.  Perhaps some simple logic could have helped.  Or a reading of the book by Twenge, who led the study.

Generation Me: Why Today's Young Americans are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled - and more Miserable than Ever Before is the name of Twenge's book. It's apparently aimed at 18 year olds to 35 year olds, and she's now apparently trying to broaden her application of the data, despite the fact that nowadays preschoolers learn the days of the week in Chinese, how to read, and there is no mention of self.

Twenge is on a narcissism kick.  She thinks that it's the cause for everything.  OK.  Whatever.  Personally, I think that she should take into consideration parents who think of their children as extensions of themselves (e.g. multigenerational narcissism), the relentless pushing of children to achieve. as opposed to taking time to find real passions, and the over-intellectualizing of childhood.  There's an interesting Rudolf Steiner quote which says that if you intellectually train children before the age of 5 or so (instead of focusing on their spirit and their selves), they turn into materialists.  What about that?

Ah, well, I suppose a discussion of the pros and cons of the study wasn't what the authors were aiming for. They were aiming for a nice little talking head nugget that would be carried on the nightly news. And "You suck because your preschool works on self esteem" is certainly catchy, if totally moronic.

Gotta go. Some of the other mommies and I are meeting at Peets Coffee to "cleanse" the local Kindergarten curriculum of any pesky self-esteem propaganda.  Thank GOODNESS I discovered this blight early on. 

This first appeared on the Silicon Valley Mom's blog

The Last Mom Without a TV in the Car

We had a really dumb vacation this year, and it was all my fault. Oh, we talked about it, and we decided that driving down to Palm Springs on Christmas afternoon would be just ... stoopid, so we decided to fly.  Much more rational.  Makes sense.  We're busy, you see, and flying is more efficient.  Except that I woke up the next day and couldn't do it.  I "needed to drive."  It would be "fun" and "nice to have some together time with the family."  I'd "get to see the state." I bleated and sighed until my sweet husband said that he didn't care and we could do it. 

My family has been going to the desert for holidays for over thirty years. Now that my grandparents are dead, my mother continues the tradition. She goes to her surly retirement community and my brother's family goes to visit her.  We stay in our own resort in a different town, and we shop and dine together.  Sometimes we visit the surly retirement community pool together for the two hours that children are allowed, and we swim under the baleful watch of the walker-wielding denizens.  It's a real bonding experience with pure WASP overtones.  Golf, personal distance, family time, a dash of resentment (handily provided by the retirees, since I can't do it any more), and a cocktail lounge.  What's not to like?

My grandparents lived farther north in Northern California and they always drove to the desert on "the Five," as they call it in Los Angeles.  That power stretch of highway that makes Californians settle in and people from smaller places wonder if we're just insane.

At any rate, we drove to the desert.  It was a nine hour drive down on Tuesday, and a six hour drive back (from Santa Monica) on Sunday.  That gave us, um.... four days of vacation.  And two full days of driving on I-5.  Ain't truckstops cute?

When I have discussed this trip with people I know, a shockingly significant number of them have told me that I should have packed movies for my child.  Nope. Not going to happen.  I try to be polite about it and not use terms like "I don't believe in plugging my child into media to shut him up," but seriously, some of the people I talk with are amazingly pushy.  It seems that for many people in the area, it is considered almost a birthright to have access to keeno entertainment technology, like, from the age of two.  Especially during vacations. Just like mom and dad.

Perhaps I would feel differently if I had more than one child.  But hear me out.  I don't care if other people plug their children in to shut them up.  Sure, I find it a bit tacky, and I personally feel very strongly that it's not the way to raise a kid, but on the other hand, it's a lot quieter!

My child sat in the back seat for both drives.  We listened to lots of things on tape and CD, sang some songs, talked about what we were seeing (and he listened to his parents talk), and he drew pictures, made things, and read.  Sure, he was probably bored out of his skull, but tough noogies. If he doesn't get a little bored out of his skull at six, how on earth will he get through grad school?  <that was a j o k e.>  Besides, he needs to learn skills to cope with boredom and life.

A year and a half ago I took my child to a large chain mexican restaurant.  We sat down to see the two children at the next table watching a movie on a portable CD player.  What, your kid has such a short attention span that they can't sit through a family meal? Sheesh.

I realize that the portable CD players and movie players in the back of headsets are lovely.  They're ... luxurious.  They're special. They make trips into an extension of the TV room.  But is this really what our children need?  For reality, for the world to be some big, cushy, soft encompassing thing that they just sink into and watch?  I don't think so.  The entire concept drives me batty.

And by extension, the entire concept of luxury and children drives me nuts.  Have you noticed how many things nowadays have totally useless "luxury touches," many aimed at kids?  Like sugar.  My child, thankfully, doesn't have a sweet tooth.  Probably because he's not used to getting sweets.  Believe me, it's hard to not just give him a sweet or piece of gum or whatever.  I mean, heck, it costs, like one cent and I certainly eat what I want to. But I always think about the habits that I'm breeding, and I'm not willing to have some kid with a sugar entitlement syndrome, you know? 

Well, my kid had a "luxurious" trip.  He got to be with his dad and mom, with absolutely nothing in the way, for six days.  We laughed, talked, argued a bit, and looked at the world together.  At times it was very quiet for long periods of time.  Sometimes when I looked back, he was just sitting, looking out the window.

There is a (somewhat jokey) theory that you should try to create as many boring periods of time in your life as possible.  Boring is good, says the theory. It makes your life seem longer.

Well perhaps there's an alternate theory available for childhood. Time spent together with your family, just ... being ... is a gift in today's overscheduled, over-media-ized society.  Out of boredom comes creativity and the ability to cope with the simple stresses of life. And when you're together as a family, traveling, you can occasionally stop staring out the window or reading a book to just talk to your family.

As dumb as it was to spend that much energy on the road, I enjoyed the enforced time together.  The time that you get in a car isn't like time in an airline terminal.  However, I'm equally happy to report that my urge to drive is gone.  For at least a year.

This first appeared on the Silicon Valley Mom's blog

A California Traditionalist

I think that ritual is cool.  I also think that there is a part of our brain that responds well to it.  Our humanist family dislikes many of the messages of organized religion, so when my son was very young, idealistic mom started out to make our own rituals (and traditions.)

When my son was a baby, I would take him out every single day and we would walk through the front yard, singing a song to greet the world. (Seriously.)  That's now over, but we did it for years.  For a time there, we would light a candle when we sat down to eat.  Since we really are (I mean, let's be serious here) big nonbeliever-types, we were a bit stumped as to what type of song to sing when we sat down, so we ended up letting my son choose. He decided that we'd sing "It is time to eat dinner," sung over and over to the tune of "Happy birthday to you."  Yeah.  We do that sometimes.  What else?  Um, does toothbrushing count?

I actually tried looking to the secular humanist movement to provide focus and direction for our home rituals.  And I learned that secular humanism, with its "one trick pony approach" (e.g. no, we don't believe) is really not half as fun as all of the wacked-out belief-based things that humans have come up with through the years.  Yeah, OK, we don't believe. But gosh, look! The people down the street are all dressed up for the festival of the giant turtle!  Let's go!   Religions have spent tons of years and tons of money to develop their rituals, and some of them are pretty darn neat. 

So what's a nice, nonbelieving family to do for traditions? After careful consideration, we decided to just celebrate everything. Except Kwanzaa. With all due respect, Kwanzaa has never really resonated with me.  I'm looking forward to Holi instead - that seems like a seriously cool holiday.

As a "tooth fairy athiest" as Richard Dawkins calls it, we try to give Solstice as much credence as that large, red-clad fellow, and we also celebrate Hanukka.  I mean, why not?  Properly engaged in, rituals and traditions are shared joy. We have always had a tree (nod to pagan traditions), and in our house the tree usually has a pink flamingo on the top, which we're not going to explain.

The decorations for our holiday tree are very special.  We have a dill pickle and a bagel and a glass box of chinese food, as a nod to the Jewish side of the family.  We have many moons and suns and wizards and fairies, as a wink to the pagan side of the family.  And we have many toys, such as bicycles, red wagons, a two-inch tall teddy bear, a hedgehog (!), and so forth, as a nod to memories and playing and some of the great Christmas stores in San Francisco.

We're trying to attempt at least one new tradition every year.  This year, we participated in a St. Martin's "Lanternfest" festival, where about a hundred people made lanterns, filled them with lit candles, and dangled them from sticks while walking through the street, singing songs in German.

It's not our tradition (yet), but I think I like it.  I wonder what's next?

This first appeared on the Silicon Valley Mom's blog